The following want ad appeared in a local newspaper: “For sale: 52-year-old husband, never remembers anniversaries, birthdays, or special occasions, never says ‘I love you,’ never hugs, squeezes hand tightly, or tenderly touches. Will sell for 2 cents. Call 663-9666. Will dicker.”
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He addressed the men, “Can you describe your wife’s favorite flower?” David leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
My kids still give me a hard time about the lovely, romantic gift I gave my wife for Christmas one year. It was a beautifully wrapped vacuum cleaner. I think I may go all out and give her a chainsaw this year.
Once, when the Pharisees asked Jesus about the legitimacy of divorce as recorded in Mark 10:2-9, Jesus quoted Old Testament scripture to them from Genesis 1 & 2 about the sacredness of marriage. Jesus said, “At the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. Because of this, a man should leave his father and mother and be joined together with his wife, and the two will be one flesh. So, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, humans must not pull apart what God has put together” (Mark 10:7-9).
Tragically, divorces happen, but the most important question married couples should ask is not, “Can I get a divorce?” but “What can I do to nurture my spouse and be in unity and harmony with him or her?” Marriage is a sacred gift of God, and our spouses deserve our best efforts to make our marriages healthy.
The bedrock of every good marriage is mutual commitment. Husbands and wives must be committed to loving, honoring, and cherishing each other. Our spouses must know that we are committed to meeting their needs, even when that is very difficult for us. We all need to be nurtured and cared for, and married couples must be committed to meeting as much of that need as possible.
None of us can make someone else happy, but we can all be there for someone else as they make the long, difficult journey toward wholeness and completeness. It is God’s intention that every marriage be marked by intimacy, edifying partnership, and mutual service.
Every marriage partner has married someone very different from themselves. We will not always understand why our partners do the things they do, say the things they say, and feel the things they feel, but we can make the choice to always be there for them as they struggle with the issues of their lives. They will make mistakes along the way, and we will find it challenging to forgive them rather than hold onto our resentments and hurt feelings.
The truth of the matter is, we will make mistakes, too. If we want to be forgiven, we must learn to be forgiving. As Jesus said, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7). When we reach out to fill the cup of another, somehow, we will find our own cups filled.
Jesus gave good marriage advice in Luke 6:37-38: “Don’t judge, and you won’t be judged. Don’t condemn, and you won’t be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good portion—packed down, firmly shaken, and overflowing—will fall into your lap. The portion you give will determine the portion you receive in return.”
Dr. Dan Darby is a retired United Methodist pastor.
